Is Your Faith Good Enough?

 

I am a woman with faith. I am a woman who has a healthy relationship with MY God. I love my Christian brothers and sisters and know that what I am about to say I say with love and encouragement, with support and caring. 
Stop telling people to not claim their illness! I understand the manifestation of it. I understand the fear of hearing your loved one stating they have something that could ultimately take their life. I understand your desire to not live knowing that one day your baby sister may not be around anymore but I need you to understand some things.
 1. Because they have accepted that they have cancer does not mean they are claiming it for any other reason than that of accepting their life circumstance and trying to make peace with it themselves. 
2. If you tell them time and time again that by claiming it you are somehow allowing it to take their life makes them feel less than. Less than to the God they pray to every day. Every moment they get to have their miracle one day. It makes them wonder am I someone God doesn’t listen to? Than why pray? God then doesn’t hear because each doctors appointment you want to hear the magical words “no cancer detected” and when you don’t you wonder… am I not good enough to get my miracle?
 3. This then adds to your burden, your stress and therefore your healing lacks and now you feel sicker, worse, which in turn your next appointment you are bound to hear “Ms. Alicea we’ve taken a turn and now we need to go more aggressive again”. What exactly happened to me so many years ago when last time I was told I was claiming the cancer and therefore bringing it upon myself! 
While I know Christians mean well when they say don’t claim it because God is greater than any illness know that when you say that to someone battling every day for their life it only makes them feel worse, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and that is a bad combo to have.
 I have had to come to terms with my health situation. I pray every day God grant me one more day. And when that day is over I repeat God grant me another. Allow me to see my kids grow up! Check I got it! Allow me to find love! Check I got it! Allow me this… allow me that…. Let me live another day for this! And every morning is a gift and a curse. Every morning I wake up and have another day to live and every day I fear… is today the last day? 

My Christian brothers and sisters, I don’t know why God hasn’t granted me my miracle yet, but I know there is a reason I have lived the life I have. I speak about my trials. I speak about my troubles. My story may be helping someone else struggling and for that I believe I am living the life I was always meant to live. My story may help someone else who is struggling, battling, wondering should they give up? Well I have never given up. I’ve cried and I’ve begged God to take it away but I have too much to live for. To fight for. To love for and to speak out for. I will speak my truth. 
I have cancer. 
Not because I’m not faithful enough but maybe…. Just maybe… because my faith is strong enough to withstand it all. So please do not tell me I have this because I claimed it. I claimed it to fight it. I claimed it to live through it. 

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