Never Enough


 I’m not trying to sound greedy when I say there is never enough time. I find time to be the most precious gift we are granted in life. Time however is one of the trickiest and most elusive of gifts we ever receive. You see time never stops, it never slows down, it always is moving and changing and just like running water it can not be grasped in your hands. 


When I say it’s never enough is because how can one pack all the love they feel and share into x amount of time? I understand life happens. I understand work and responsibilities have to happen. I even understand one needs rest and sleep but time never slows down enough to have the moments that make life worth living to occur. 


I’ve faced mortality enough to know that I won’t spend another iota of time wasting on chasing the all mighty dollar. I won’t find love and happiness there! I won’t chase false loves, friendships, relationships and acquaintances because when I’m at my end NONE of them will be around. I won’t shed a tear or waste a breath on someone or something that will leave me feeling nothing but a void inside. It’s not worth the precious gift of time I have. 


What I will dedicate my time to is love! Because together love can withstand the test of time. It will make every moment, every breath matter. When I first fell in love it was 21 years ago and the nurse placed the most beautiful baby girl in my arms. My heart swelled and for that instance time stood still as I looked at her big brown eyes. Then again almost 20 years ago when my second baby girl was placed on my chest. Looking up at me with the biggest most beautiful brown eyes ever and the sweetest smirk on her face. Then again 18 years ago when my son was born and made my heart skip a beat to look at him and know he was mine. Each of those moments time stopped. I was granted for a brief flicker of time more time to look into the eyes of each of my loves. And one day soon each will head out and each will find their path and while I’ve held them in my grasp all this time the moment will come when I have to let go. 



Then came the faithful day he came into my world. To meet him was to finally meet the one my heart knew I was made to love. In that moment my heart finally said omg it’s him. The one. That first kiss sealed the understanding that this man will forever and evermore be the man my heart will love till it’s last beat. My world became more and my eyes opened to the fact I met the one I was created to love. Time stood still when he first kissed me and that kiss sealed the love. But just like before time continued to go on. 



There isn’t enough time. There isn’t enough time to have the storybook adventure the little girl in me always longed to have because work and life get in the way. There isn’t enough time to love you the amount (the endless and boundless amount) I need to love you. There isn’t enough because time keeps ticking and ticking away. 


So when I say it’s never enough it’s because the love I feel can’t be measured into the allotted space of that square peg that was told to fit in a round hole. I want to spend time loving you, kissing you, embracing you, making love to you but time keeps moving while we attempt to make plans to make it all work. 


Please don’t be upset with me when I beg for more time. If I could I would live my life enveloped completely in our love but I know while you reside in my heart Evermore the time spent apart feels like an eternity while the time we spend together races like a runner does to the finish line. When I say it’s Never Enough it’s because in your arms I find peace. Joy. Love. Excitement. Pleasure. Ecstasy. A moment of no pain. No sadness. No trouble. No stress. I’m addicted to the love we share. Addicted to the feeling of security and strength I find in your arms and each moment we spend together. So it’s Never Enough to go through this life not feeling my most happiness when I am with you. 

https://patrickswenson.net/book-two-time-ticking/



But there is something that is enough. My Love for you is what keeps me fighting. I will fight. Even when I look sad I’m fighting. Even when I am in pain I’m fighting. Even when the darkness feels like I am being enveloped in it I am fighting! I will fight not only for you. But for all my loves. My children, my family, you and most importantly, me. I will continue to fight. 


Even when time never feels like it’s ENOUGH! 


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