LifeAccordingToEvy

There is so many emotions I’m feeling. So many! With the start of my hair loss I have faced my fear right now. I know, I know most think it’s a matter of vanity but it’s not actually. Do I love my hair? Absolutely!!! Omg I loved how it grew. Nice and long, dark and wavy. But the vanity isn’t my fear! I have to say I have been bald and not to toot my horn I know I look good! Sorry for sounding so conceited but actually no I am not sorry. I know I can rock the bald head. Look:  But here is my biggest fear: when the manifestation of what I feel on the inside, matches the the way I look on the outside and now I see the looks on others faces. The look of pity. The look of fear. The look of woah is she sick? When my hair was intact no one could look at me and give that look of pity. I was able to hide behind that mask. I could be normal. I could be the me I wanted to be!  But now, now I don’t get to be the me I wanna be in others eyes. I get to be the woman who gets the looks... the look of

  I’m not trying to sound greedy when I say there is never enough time. I find time to be the most precious gift we are granted in life. Time however is one of the trickiest and most elusive of gifts we ever receive. You see time never stops, it never slows down, it always is moving and changing and just like running water it can not be grasped in your hands.   When I say it’s never enough is because how can one pack all the love they feel and share into x amount of time? I understand life happens. I understand work and responsibilities have to happen. I even understand one needs rest and sleep but time never slows down enough to have the moments that make life worth living to occur.  I’ve faced mortality enough to know that I won’t spend another iota of time wasting on chasing the all mighty dollar. I won’t find love and happiness there! I won’t chase false loves, friendships, relationships and acquaintances because when I’m at my end NONE of them will be around. I won’t shed a tear o